Life Balance... what do we mean by that? We have busy lifestyles, we need to go to work, take the kids to school/kindy, attend this or that function/meeting, sports commitments and so on. But when do we actually just STOP and BREATHE?
I'm as guilty as anyone to work myself into the ground and stress and worry about anything and everyone around me. I suffer, like many others, of migraines. They usually come about from eating the wrong foods (MSG or other food enhancers), hormonal peaks or from stress. The first cause is not really an issue for me anymore as I no longer eat food from places who use these additives. Hormonal peaks are also under control now and generally no longer a problem for me, but stress is one factor that gets me every time.
Stress is one of those things that seems to creep up on me on a sub-conscious level. Those of you who know me, know that I am a "talker". If something is bothering me, I talk about, vent, write a blog post and get it of my chest, which is healthy and means I don't bottle up my emotions. But sometimes things worry me at a much deeper level and over a few short days it leads into a migraine. There are times I don't even know I'm stressed and I feel the migraine coming on and wonder where it is coming from.
Recently I have suffered two quite intense migraines and medication did not make a difference. On the 3rd day of waking up feeling sick and a pounding head, a little voice in a part of my head that was not pounding, said "take the dog for a walk and do a meditation". What? Go for a walk? I feel like crawling in a hole, I don't want walk the dog! "Do it" the quiet voice said. After 10 minutes of an internal battle, I dragged myself out of bed and grabbed the dog. I walked with some attitude and even worked up a little sweat. Then I grabbed an old music/nature sound CD that I had, went into Mark's Office and with the music very loud, I sat cross-legged on the floor, closed my eyes and took some very deep breathes. There I sat, doing nothing but breathing.
And then something strange happened. Emotion, deep from my belly, rose to the surface. I could actually feel it rising all the way up to my eyes until it bubbled over. All the fears and worry that I had been suppressing, that I didn't even know I was suppressing, flowed out. In in privacy of this beautiful space, I let the tears flow until there was no more. I acknowledged all the thoughts and emotions one at a time and reminded myself of our faith and our belief that everything is happening in the order it should be. It will be ok.
From there I left the office and re-entered the house to have breakfast with the two boys who light up my life, clear headed, smiling and migraine completely gone. Wow, I have never experienced anything like it, nor have I ever tried tackling a migraine that way, until two weeks later... and it happened again!
Sebastian had been complaining of a stiff neck and I assumed it was due to his new sleeping habit of using way too many pillows. But a few days later, extra pillows removed from the bed, Sebastian return home from a play date looking very odd. He was walking like he was wearing a back brace and was not able to bend down to pick anything up or move his head in any direction. Touching his shoulders resulted in him screaming in pain.
He had been jumping on a trampoline but he assured me that he did not fall or hurt himself in anyway whilst on it. A phone call to the friend confirmed his story. Worries of spinal injury or some other serious injury sat heavily in my heart. A few phone calls later and we were driving him to the local GP. Although only a few blocks away, Seb screamed as the car hit every little bump in the road. The doctor, barely touching him, said it was just some locked muscles and to just give him some panadol for a few days. The next day I had him to the Osteopath and although his muscles had loosened slightly, he was still very locked up. The treatment worked beautifully and within 24 hours Seb was back to his bouncy, happy self again.
So life went back to normal. Seb started Kindy, loving every minute and I continued with my studies and my business, but each day, I would wake with a heavy head and a general feeling of unwell....until, you guessed it, another migraine. What the? Didn't I just get rid of one of those? So I thought I would repeat the process again. Walk the dog and then just sit. Same thing happened as last time. I sobbed and sobbed and realised that I had been so very scared of something terrible happening to Sebastian. After everything we went through with Mark, the thought of something serious happening to Seb was totally overwhelming. Letting go of that fear set me free.
So the moral of this story is simple. Take the time to sit quiet, no distractions and face the feelings and emotions that present themselves. Know that it's ok, you will be able to handle it. If you need a change in your life, be open to opportunities that come your way. Life has a funny way of just working itself out providing you are open to allowing it.
It's been several months since these migraines I described. Since then I have made meditation a regular part of my day. I feel empowered, alive and more resilient to what life throws at me. I have not experienced as much as a headache and I am loving life to the fullest. Ideas and opportunities started to flow and life is all making sense for the first time in nearly two years.
