People have said to me, "It's stress that is causing you to be unwell, just deal with your stress" or "You do too much, stop doing so much". Thing is, most people live with stress of some kind. Whether it's from work, relationships, money, study or parenting, stress is very much part of our modern lifestyle. There are however, healthy ways to deal with these situations which can help to minimise the impact that stress can have in the body. Light exercise, deep breathing, getting back to nature such as a walk on the beach or a hike, yoga, meditation or just hugging the one you love and taking a moment.
For the last two years, I have tried very hard to keep a balanced lifestyle to ensure I didn't fall in to the negative effects of chronic stress. I would spend the time that Sebastian attended school, doing my studies and the evenings spent together. Weekends, a time for work around the house and garden as well as some getting back to nature and light exercise. But it seemed, this was not going to be enough and I was about to feel the wrath of a body starting to shut down.
With a most wonderful school holiday period over, I was refreshed and ready to return back to my studies. Usually, I am overcome with a feeling of happiness and belonging when I return back to the city and enter the college doors. But not this time. My first lecture seemed as if it was delivered in a foreign language and I immediately felt overwhelmed. Several weeks went by and the feelings did not change, instead, I started to feel pain in every joint of my body and I became chronically fatigued. My brain was in a complete fog and I started to panic as I could not understand what was happening to me.
With none of my treatments, herbs or supplements giving me any relief, I turned to a Functional Medical Practitioner at Blackwood. I took with me a "mind map" of what I thought might be going on in my body as well as a long list of blood testing that I wanted to have done, many of which are not usually recognised as necessary by general practitioners or covered by the Medicare system. I spent an hour with this doctor and she listened and was very supportive, which in itself was very therapeutic. When the results came back, I was shocked to discover my iron levels had once again been completely depleted and all other results came back as healthy. Through my studies I had learnt that B12 levels are optimal at well over 500 and as my levels had risen from 300 to 400, I disregarded this as being a big issue. A General Practitioner will usually not consider B12 to be low unless they are under or around 200. However, lectures at Uni had again re-iterated the importance of higher B12 levels, so I decided to ask the doctor for B12 injections as well as another iron infusion. She quickly agreed and had planned on the same strategy. Within 24 hours of the treatment, I started to feel well again, the pain subsiding from an 8/10 to 3/10. My energy levels returned, my brain fog lifted and I was no longer falling asleep at 4pm and needing to push myself to cook dinner and spend quality time with Sebastian.
I have now had three of these injections, one each week and I have felt how good it feels to be able to get out in the garden, exercise and enjoy life again. The stress is still there however and always will be. Living solo is hard on so many levels. Every decision is mine to make. Money, education, parenting, holidays etc etc. There is no one to share the load, discuss the options or plan for the future. If I get sick, there is no one to care for me. If I fall, there is no one to pick me up, dust me off and tell me that everything will be alright. This is a different type of stress that most people don't have to worry about. There are family members or partners that "have your back" and that is the biggest loss that I have suffered. If I falter, no one has my back.
I am very independent and I certainly don't need rescuing. Sure, there are times when I may need a little help with the heavy lifting, but in general, I am very capable and don't need a man to support me or save me. But that doesn't mean that I want to walk this life alone, even though I am very comfortable with my own company. It wasn't until I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia that I really realised the background stress of being a widow is always there and no amount of relaxation is going to ease it. But I am grateful that I have had a quick turnaround with my health and I can once again begin living again.
My garden has never looked better and I have planted vegetables all over the place. The chickens are doing well and as for the dog, well, she is now on Prozac in an attempt to calm her obsessive and anxious behaviour. It's still early days, but fingers crossed, there seems to be some slight improvements, but time will tell. Sebastian continues to light up my life and constantly amaze me with his abilities and talents. He works hard at school and has even been picked to perform a solo part in his junior primary choir.
I now know, becoming a Nutritionist will be enough to make a significant difference in helping people with their health. I thought I would need to learn herbs and have extra tools and treatments, but I believe this will not be necessary. Next year I begin clinic at college and will be seeing clients and taking their health history. At the start of the year, the thought of this scarred me and I didn't feel prepared. But now I feel more confident and ready to face this and I am actually looking forward to this final stage of my degree. This year has been so challenging, as is every year it seems, but I continue to learn and grow, experience and find what it is, I am here to do. The miracle of the human body never ceases to amaze me and I respect my body for the gifts it has given me as I continue this life journey alone and as we fast approach the end of yet another year without our beloved Mark.
