Post number 78 - Colonics, Detox Programs and Primary School Graduations!

October ended up being a busy month in the clinic room, and November brought a little more calm and an opportunity to spend some much-needed time in caring for myself and my health. I was still suffering with poor digestive health, and this was fast influencing all kinds of problems relating to my health, including my mental health. Not since my mid-thirties had I felt so low. I knew I was clinically depressed when I started to have terrible thoughts, resentful thoughts, feelings of helplessness and a loss of hope for the future. I became quite numb to life, and all I wanted to do was play video games and hug Sebastian.

Recognising the signs, I started looking for answers, and Mark, in his ever faithful way, led me down two paths. One was a supplement that I had in the fridge for years and never used. It is a product commonly used for depression in the Nutrition world, but like medications, it can sometimes make symptoms worse, so I never took it, nor have I ever prescribed it to clients. But I was desperate, so I started taking it.

Next, while scrolling through Facebook, a colonics clinic appeared in my feed. I looked into it further, and started my enquiries. As I had experienced colonics in the Bali health retreat, I figured this was worth a try. I booked in and within two days, I was having a wonderful colonics experience. I then signed up for a 5-day parasite cleanse with colonics, as I wondered if my problem was more sinister than just menopause.

Again, I had a wonderful experience, and I learnt so much more about the end part of the digestive system, from the colon to the anus. While this may sound strange, the changes in me were so profound, they can’t be ignored or called coincidental. Firstly, the fluid that I was carrying disappeared. My head became much clearer, and I felt so much lighter, and not like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. I started singing and laughing, and that irritability I had was totally gone.

Throughout the colonics process, you can see what is leaving the body as it passes through the exit tube. Old pieces of faeces were flushed away, as was a yeast infection called Candida, that I did not know I had, but explained many of my symptoms including sugar cravings, weight gain and low iron. I delved in deeper into researching Candida, and realised that symptoms of this yeast overgrowth are very extensive, and not just related to gut health symptoms such as bloating, cramping and poor bowel motions. Often I find so many holes in my degree learnings, and realise just how much additional research is often necessary for various health complaints. We cannot know it all, nor can we be taught it all, and I am constantly fascinated by what I tend learn and uncover at the times when I need to.

Intuitively, I know that as energetic and emotional human beings, we carry a lot of our anger, trauma and worries in our gut and liver. The term “shit on the liver”, often relates to someone with detoxification pathway issues, when the liver is undernourished and therefore unable to remove toxins effectively. This leaves the person feeling irritable and short-tempered. Subconsciously, our body clenches and holds on to past situations, and times when perhaps, we were not treated as we thought we should have been. Our mind can even twist a normal situation into a negative and traumatic one, and often, friends, family and even trained professionals cannot understand what all the fuss was about.

This process of daily colonics however, is so friendly and relaxing, that the healing water could flush all the way to the liver, allowing bile and toxins to be released and flushed away. This was a new experience for me, as this did not occur in Bali, despite the treatment being exactly the same. Perhaps I wasn’t carrying the emotional baggage back then as I was this time around, but I truly believe, this liver release is what turned my mental health around. As well as the colonics, I used my Nutritionist skills to derive a special detox diet, to allow the digestive system to relax and heal, rather than spending so much time digesting. I also chose some supplements to support this process even further. This meant the whole process that I experimented and experienced on myself, could now be written up, to form a detox program that I could use for my clients. I can’t wait to be able to offer this as a proper and proven way to detox, rather than fad diets and detox powders, that are sold commercially by big organisations, that only care for making money from vulnerable people, and not actually healing people.

You may be wondering why I believed Mark was behind all this. Well, I often feel he is behind everything I do, however, sometimes he makes his presence extremely clear. On one of my lowest days, I was driving to work after doing the school drop off run. I had my usual Spotify playlist playing, and I was thinking about how I had a client that morning, and I needed to get myself together to be able to successfully deliver that consultation, as I wasn’t feeling particularly strong and confident. Next thing, a song played over the car stereo, the song I played at Mark’s funeral. I hadn’t heard this song in years, and I was instantly a flood of tears. “This is not helping”, I said in my head, directed at Mark. “Not the time to make me emotional, I need to find my inner strength, not be a puddle of tears.” Next thing, a car changed lanes in front of me, a red car, with personalised number plates of “Grim”, which was Mark’s nickname. Not that I ever called him that, but all his friends did. I took a photo of the car, as I wanted to tell Sebastian about the experience that evening. It wasn’t until I looked at the photo later, that I realised that the car was actually a Nissan. A Red Nissan with Grimm number plates, driving directly in front of me, while the song from his funeral is playing. Way too many coincidences for it to not be him. The thoughts in my head changed and went something like… “I’ve got you, trust me, I’ve got you, you’re not alone, I’ll help you”. More tears, but now some deep breaths and by the time I arrived at my workplace, I was ready to start my work-day with a lot more confidence, as I no longer felt like I was doing this life alone. It was after this incident, that I was led to the supplement in the fridge, and the colonics practice, which was conveniently located, not too far away.

With the detox program now fully written, costed and ready for delivery, the next moment in my crazy life, was Sebastian finishing Primary School. He had his transition day at his new High School, and while he had a good day, he was unusually quiet and reserved. He remained that way for the following week, prompting me to ask him if he was okay on several occasions. He assured me he was fine, as he continued with his work for school, jobs around the house, piano practice and animal husbandry. In the blink of an eye, it was Graduation Day, when I realised the day before, that he did not have any appropriate clothing to wear to such a formal event. Quickly, we headed out to find some formal style clothes. Sebastian moaned and complained, completely disinterested in any clothing presented to him, but we managed to find something incredibly quickly in his size. In the change rooms, he put on the blue-ish shirt, along with the black trousers and belt, and I was suddenly overcome with emotion, as I realised he had just picked out clothing that almost exactly replicated his fathers work attire. He stood there completely unimpressed and I just stared and smiled, knowing he had done it again! Good call Mark, good call. I threw other shirts and ideas at Sebastian, but he was having nothing of it. “Can we just go?”, he pleaded. And with that, we were home again in under an hour!

The following day, and my anxieties kicked in, as I helped Sebastian dress in these unfamiliar clothes, and styled his hair. I cooked him a breakfast fit for kings, and I stood back and marvelled at the fine handsome young man he had become. As I dropped him off at school and watched him walk across the school-yard, I wondered, “how did we even get to this day?” Sebastian was only in Reception when his father died, and here he was, about to graduate and start the next chapter in his life. Was he prepared for it? I felt he was, very prepared, and yet, he still felt a level of anxiousness and worry, that he would not find “his tribe” at the new school.

That evening, the official Graduation Ceremony began and after watching videos created by all the students, complete with song and dance and morphing photographs, we were led outdoors to the seated area. Speeches made by the Principal and the students, full of heartfelt stories, antics and the bonding and support between students in the four senior classrooms. Then there were awards of excellence being announced. I was completely clueless about the entire procedure, awards and proceedings, but next thing I knew, Sebastian’s name was being called out for winning the Year 6 “Caring” award. The shock on his face equalling the shock on mine, as he approached the stage to receive his award. I knew he deserved this for sure, as he had demonstrated his caring nature many times over, but I always thought his efforts went un-noticed, or perhaps, were just expected, but here he was, accepting an award that acknowledged his efforts, and the beautiful nature that he has, despite all the hardships life had thrown at him.

One would think I would be emotional, and yet, I wasn’t, as I guess I was still in shock. Many congratulated him after the ceremony and yes, I was the proudest Mum there, as I knew all the ups and downs he had faced over the past six years. The emotion however, didn’t come until the next day. Today in fact, as I reflect on everything he has accomplished at school and at Robotics. I have to keep reminding myself, he is only 12 years old, has a job and mentors others, all this, and he hasn’t even started high school yet!

I continue to seek hope for the future. Hope that this craziness of COVID will end. Hope that we, as a human race, can be free to make choices for our bodies, our health and our education. Hope that common sense will prevail, that we can live in unity and not in division. Hope that we can be respected for our beliefs, and honoured for our commitments to bettering the lives of others. Hope that we can be reunited with our loved ones overseas, and that we can end our lives with dignity. It’s nearly Christmas and it’s difficult to think about buying material gifts. Not because I don’t want to give a gift for those I care about, but more because I would rather give a gift of love, good health and compassion, and that’s hard to purchase from a shop.

Sebastian and his generation, give me hope. Their awareness of the world, their willingness to work together to find solutions to big problems. Their openness and acceptance of all races and beliefs. Yes, Sebastian gives me hope that life can get better, and I will continue to support his passions and his interests, so that he can part of creating a better future. After all, behind every great man, is a strong, smart and powerful woman. Isn't that right Mark?

Post number 77 - What's next?

Time was running out. I had to find a new clinic room to move in to, when I was guided to Raj’s Yoga School on Marion Road, just a few blocks away from the Waterhouse building. I looked at the room. It was small, smelly and needed redecorating, but the price was excellent, and I really had no more time to find anything else. Every opportunity that came my way, fell through. Shared rooms, joint ventures, all of them fell through, and now I was desperate. So I agreed to the room, knowing that there would be little to no flow through traffic, but determined to make it work, even if it was just a stepping stone, and I was grateful for something close to home with main road frontage.

By now, I only had a week to get myself together and there were no opportunities to renovate the room, or money to redecorate. I would just have to make do and hope that my furniture and pictures on the wall, would deflect from the tired old ripped curtains, scratched up walls and old carpet. My good friend from Seb’s Robotics club, offered to help me move, and in one day and several trips, all the furniture was deposited into the new room. I really had underestimated just how much I had accumulated in one year and now this little room was crammed full of “stuff”. It took me days to sort everything, and make the space my own, and then I had the dreaded task of cleaning up the old clinic room. The hardest part of all, was pulling all my signage off the glass windows. The beautiful signage that I had spent a small fortune on. That big beautiful green apple, my name and all the areas of health that I work on with my clients. One letter at a time, Sebastian and I pulled them all off.

It took us several hours to clean the room and remove all the signage and the whole time we were there, only the receptionist spoke to us. Even when other staff were only metres away, and in our line of sight, never once did they acknowledge us. So negative was the energy, my sensitive son had to go into the empty clinic room to have a cry. He was astounded by the energy, and we hugged each other tight, as I handed in the key. We stood outside, looking at the big glass window that once said “Eat Right for Life” and we sobbed. We cried for yet another loss, another opportunity gone and the loss of money that could not be recouped. But deep down, we also knew, that this environment was not good for my mental health, and it was time to leave. 

The first three months at Raj’s Yoga School was difficult financially, as no new clients came. But it did give me some time to reflect and think about new ways to use my knowledge and skills to earn money. A trip to Mount Gambier helped, as I developed a 4-week “Nutrition 101” course. I called it “Eating your way to good health!”, and this was an opportunity for me to share my knowledge with people, and answer many of the questions that I had be asked by clients. I made sure I included activities, documentation, hand-outs and take-homes, so the participants would have resources long after the course was finished, and walk away with the feeling that they had received good value for money. But would they come? Would they commit to four weeks and would they pay to hear me speak? I became rather ambitious and set about securing three locations for my course, all scheduled to start one week after another. COVID cancelled one of the locations, and the timing for the second location was moved to allow more time for promotion.

My first course was a great success, with 10 participants registering and attending. After the first week, I realised how much I actually loved delivering the content, the interaction and questions from the group, and my energy and enthusiasm almost euphoric. All my cells lit up, and the participants returned week after week, the feedback energising me even more. I gave myself fully, and exhausted myself at the same time. I couldn’t help feeling, “this is what I am meant to be doing”.

My mind went into overdrive, as it often does, and I started envisioning a career that included my own practice premises, with my hand-picked multi-modality practitioners, and two recently graduated Nutritionists, that I could train and mentor in my methods of practice, freeing me up to run courses and complete more public talks. I began writing more talks on subjects such as mental health and nutrition and cardiovascular disease. Writing the material for these talks came effortlessly, further confirming the need for me to do this work. Then the new clients started coming, and soon the business was up and running again, and for the first time since opening the doors in 2020, the business made a small quarterly profit. This further confirmed that running the courses and public talks, was a viable option for income, and took the pressure off needing to constantly attract new clients. With the course material written, it meant I could continue to deliver the content over and over, and write new material as needed.

But, as you can imagine, I ended up in the “burnout zone” yet again, unable to recognise my limits, or the signs. Add to that the stress of the relocation, the pressures of being a solo parent and carer, and oh…Yes…hello Menopause, pleased to make your acquaintance! Menopause has brought a whole range of additional things to deal with, including weaker mental resilience, weight gain and poor digestive health, leading to aches and pains and poor nutritional status. Fabulous, just what I need. My latest new client is now myself!! 

Menopause and peri-menopause is such a complex state of being, with so many variables from one person to the next, and I have come to realise that most doctors really don’t understand it at all. Hormonal imbalances have such a wide range of symptoms, making it difficult to pinpoint exactly what is going on. So I began my quest on understanding everything that is happening in my body, and all the other symptoms that people experience, so that I may better support my clients with this body change. Personally, I refuse to believe menstruation should be painful or uncomfortable, and the transition through menopause should be a time to celebrate and not feel like you have been hit with the “old age stick”. Why does one woman transition so easily, while the other suffers in silence? It’s time to lift the lid on this and support women through a time in their lives that shouldn’t be so difficult. But first, I must treat myself. As they say, “fit your own oxygen mask before attending to others”…oh how I miss those times of flying in a plane… And while I work on myself, I am writing the content for my next course to deliver…a “Two-day Menopause Retreat”. Two days for women to feel celebrated, loved, connected and in-tune with their bodies, as well as gaining an understanding of what might be going on for them. Nourishing them with the food their bodies need, teaching them how to love and honour themselves through visualisation techniques, and learning to let go of the things that may be holding them back in life. Like anything, when you can understand the underlying things that are happening, you are better equipped to change behaviours that make the situation worse, and also find treatments that may help to relieve symptoms. Yes, it’s a BIG topic, but a much needed one, and already many women have expressed their interest in learning more about this topic.

So what’s next? More course delivery, more public talks, more content writing, more delivering the message of good health to communities of people who want to feel better, learn more about their health and strive for living their best life. And on that topic of healthy living, I added one more skill to my toolbox! I often refer clients to other practitioners to work on supporting their mental health. This can come in many different forms such as an Emotional Health Coach, Reiki, Equine Therapy, or a therapy called Access Bars (or Access Consciousness). All of these therapies I have used and continue to use on myself, to support me through the ups and downs of life. However, too often my clients do not take that next step to see a practitioner about their mental state. Is it the stigma of mental health that is in play? It’s hard to say. While I do not want to be a therapist in mental health, I do want to provide some more support to my clients in this area. So I signed up to learn the techniques of Access Bars, and became a qualified practitioner in this energetic therapy. At first I didn’t know if it was something I would be able to achieve, but it was soon very evident that I could indeed tune in to the energy, allowing my client to release negative energies and blockages, that may be holding them back in life. I love this process, as it does not require the person to talk about anything, but simply lay back, relax and let the energy flow. It’s a process that cannot do any harm, and at worst, the person feels like they have just had a relaxing massage. At best, the person can feel more relaxed, more love for themselves and free to move forward without judgement. How does it get any better than this?

These days, the phone rings more, the Inbox fills up in a day, and life is busier than ever. I know there is still more to come. More significant things to come. More healing to come. And with any luck, more opportunities for laughter, fun and financial independence. With Sebastian heading off to High School next year, he becomes more and more grown-up each day. So much so, that he even has a job now as a workshop assistant with Techspace Learning. For him, working each week, to help participants at robotics workshops, is already a fun way to spend a Saturday morning, and to get paid, is validation for his skills and dedication. For me, I couldn’t be prouder of the young man he is becoming, especially because he is literally morphing into his father. So onward we go, continuing to be open to the gifts and opportunities that life brings next.  

Post Number 76 – Going…Going…OMG- it’s gone!

Recollecting myself after the year that no one will ever forget, I was ready to go full steam ahead again, only this time a little more mindfully, determined not to find myself in the burnout camp again. New clients came and the clients from last year checked in and continued their health journeys. Excellent, so far so good. Now to find a new premises, but what would I look for? Another clinic room in an established practice, or could I do better?

When driving home from Mount Gambier just before Christmas, I began having thoughts, ideas and visions. The thought of setting myself up again in a new location, not very appealing at all. Finding the right location, the right space and let’s not forget the cost of rent. I had my existing clients to consider, and also needed to ensure I attracted new cliental.

One very important aspect of running any business, is ensuring you are across your accounting, your balance sheet and your profit & loss. Knowing your overheads, and how much you needed to make in order to cover your costs, and make enough to draw a wage, imperative to the longevity and success of any business. Well, unfortunately, this was a major problem for me. At the start of the business, I had decided to use an accounting package called Quickbooks, to help me manage and report the financial health of the business, while my Clinic software took care of the day to day invoicing of services and goods. Data would flow from one system, seamlessly into the other, with the goal of being able to view accounting statistics and tax obligations at any given time. Instead, what I had was a jumbled mess, and I had no clue how to drive the software or understand what on earth was happening. My accountant first tried teaching me how to use the system, but soon he stopped taking my calls or answering my ever increasing emails, so I changed accountants.

Excitedly I showed my new accountant how my system was setup, and she began giving me the training I had been seeking, but soon, it seemed things were still not right. Again I asked questions and couldn’t understand why my accounting system had such different figures from my practice software. Months went by and when I could, I spent hours and hours trying to figure out what was happening. My accountant also tried her best to figure things out, but also came out blank. I spent hundreds of dollars on the problem and still the figures between the two systems were out by thousands of dollars. In the end, my accountant told me to take the matter up with Quickbooks helpdesk support. I felt like I had been fobbed off and I couldn’t have been angrier, but I made the call. By this stage, my nerves were absolutely shot and I was on a knifes edge. Without these systems working together, I had no hope of planning my business any further, and I was ready to throw it all away, the stress and frustration just too much to bare.

I knew the Quickbooks support was off-shore, so this put me even more on edge, but I needn’t have worried, as within ten minutes, the problem had been fixed. One very simple and small setting was all it took to allow me to fix the problems that had been plaguing me for months. One by one, I fixed and reconciled the two systems, taking the entire day, but so satisfied to finally see the two systems match, and a Profit & Loss Report that actually truly reflected how my business had been performing. Now I could make plans, restructure my pricing and present myself as an established practitioner with automated processes and workflows.

One evening as I scrolled through social media, a post caught my eye. It was a property for sale and a real estate friend of mine was the agent. Hmmmm, this building looked familiar and it certainly was. It was the corner shop where I used to live, before I moved in with my best friend and later husband, Mark. I felt compelled to look at it, and I wondered what a property like this would sell for. It was half residential and half commercial. Looking at the floor plan, it seemed to have lots of potential and it would be open for inspection at 5.30pm the next day. “Wouldn’t hurt to have a look”, I thought, and besides, I could say “Hi” to my friend.

As I walked through the property, I noticed the high volume of peak hour, bumper to bumper traffic flowing past and thought this could be a good investment. The rooms and flooring were solid and in good condition, but there were also many aspects that needed attention. One could say, “A diamond in the rough”, very rough, but not impossible. Being someone who has done a lot of renovation over my lifetime, I am not frightened at the prospect of picking up a paintbrush or negotiating with a tradie. I left the property ponding and wondering, “Could I make this work?”

Now that my accounts were in order, I could see clearly the impact that rent had on my bottom line. Thousands of dollars spent on just having a room to practice out of. Of course, this was money well spent, especially as I was establishing myself in a new industry and having referrals from other practitioners, priceless. But it felt uncomfortable to complete another year of paying someone else’s mortgage. If I bought a property of my own, I could manage it my way, rent to practitioners that I hand picked, and that complemented my business and my clients. A practice that included different styles of addressing mental health, as well as skeletal adjustment practitioners and acupuncture. Then having the ability to offer community support groups, information sessions and events based on “living your best life”. “What could possibly go wrong?”

I viewed the property three more times, each time with different people who I knew would give me honest advice. At the same time, I attempted to gain finance. More and more encouragement from the people I showed through, and more and more doors slamming in my face when it came to getting finance. The value of the property as an investment was unanimous, the amount of renovation extensive but not impossible, and the option of a bank loan a solid “No”.  It was Wednesday afternoon and as I picked Sebastian up from basketball practice, the last mortgage broker called me with another solid but sympathetic “No”. Arriving home, I sat on the steps, unable to walk into the house. I needed to think. I needed to call someone. I needed to talk it through. The auction was Saturday morning, what could I do in just a couple of days?

Then a voice in my head said, “Ring your Solicitor”. By this stage it was nearly six o’clock and I only had his work number, but I rang it anyway. To my surprise, he answered. We chatted and I explained my situation. He listened and asked questions, while he too thought about ways he could help me. We talked for what seemed like an hour and he promised me, he would get back to me before the close of the business week. He had two days, what could he possibly do in that time? Why did I even ring him? But I had become obsessed about the property and I couldn’t stop thinking about it, planning the renovations and discussing it with tradies and fellow practitioners who had expressed interest in joining me.

It was four o’clock in the afternoon, the day before auction day, and the phone rang. It was my solicitor and he had good news for me. He had found a private investor who was willing to take a chance on me and lend me the money I had originally asked of the bank. Of course it was at double the interest, and it was an interest only loan, but when I did the calculations, I could still make it work. I was shocked and speechless, especially when he added that he would attend the auction with me to support me and keep me from being too excited! I laughed and thanked him wholeheartedly for his support.

That night, I felt invincible. Mark and I always had a saying when we worked together in the IT industry, “The impossible we can do, Miracles however, just take a little longer!” Well, it seemed like he was waving his magic Angel dust once more, providing me the resources I needed, when I needed them. “Deep breath sister, you got this”, I told myself.

Surprisingly, I slept solidly through the night as I dreamed and visualised the perfect practice, where practitioners greeted each other and worked together for the good of the cliental and the community. A place of warmth, healing, love and information sharing. It was the most wonderful vision, and I was ready to commit myself to it 100%.

My first task of the day was to take Sebastian into the city, so he could sit for a series of three tests, aimed at identifying left-brain thinkers and innovators at the Botanic High School. We arrived later than planned, but sure enough, the closest park to the school had been reserved for us. “Thank you my Angels”, I whispered, as I smiled and hugged my boy tight. Some final words of encouragement and away he went, yellow envelope in hand, into the big beautiful building surrounded by ancient old trees, my heart bursting with pride, no matter what the outcome.

I arrived at the property, registered to bid at the auction, and found my solicitor. We strategized, talked and I committed to my bidding limits. Before long, the auction started and the formalities were over quickly before the bidding began. It took less than five minutes for my limit to be reached and exceeded, and I hadn’t even put in a bid! My heart and brain were being pulled in all directions. Should I bid? Maybe just $1,000. But we were already $15,000 over my limit, but maybe it would be okay, it just meant less money for renovations and perhaps I could still make it work. I whispered to my solicitor, “perhaps I should put in a bid”, but before he could answer, it was too late. Going once, twice, SOLD!!

I was speechless, shocked beyond words. But this was MY property. I had all the signs from the Angels and the Universe. I had white feathers fall in my line of sight every time I attended the property; I had finance when I was told I could not have a loan; I had tradies lined up and practitioners ready to move in. This just couldn’t be happening. But it was, and it DID happen. The property was gone, sold from underneath me. 

It wasn’t until the next day that the weight of my loss really hit hard. I started the day looking for other properties or clinic rooms to rent, buy, beg or borrow and just came up blank every time. I was frustrated and in total disbelief. I did some much-needed gardening, but after only a few hours, I started to feel weak and ill. I came inside, showered and went to bed. A wave of grief hit me, as my body ached all over. I sobbed hard and long over my loss and every loss I had ever endured. I had nothing left to give this world, I had put it all into this property.

So now I am back to square one, only much much wiser. I have support. I have contacts. I have regained my strength and my pity party is over. My Big Girl Pants are back on, and it’s time to ask the Universe and my Angels again for what comes next. I certainly don’t have the answer at this stage, but I do know, that staying in a place of grief, regret and anger at myself for freezing at the final moment, is not going to benefit me going forward. So…let’s go forward…