October ended up being a busy month in the clinic room, and November brought a little more calm and an opportunity to spend some much-needed time in caring for myself and my health. I was still suffering with poor digestive health, and this was fast influencing all kinds of problems relating to my health, including my mental health. Not since my mid-thirties had I felt so low. I knew I was clinically depressed when I started to have terrible thoughts, resentful thoughts, feelings of helplessness and a loss of hope for the future. I became quite numb to life, and all I wanted to do was play video games and hug Sebastian.
Recognising the signs, I started
looking for answers, and Mark, in his ever faithful way, led me down two paths.
One was a supplement that I had in the fridge for years and never used. It is a
product commonly used for depression in the Nutrition world, but like
medications, it can sometimes make symptoms worse, so I never took it, nor have
I ever prescribed it to clients. But I was desperate, so I started taking it.
Next, while scrolling through
Facebook, a colonics clinic appeared in my feed. I looked into it further, and
started my enquiries. As I had experienced colonics in the Bali health retreat,
I figured this was worth a try. I booked in and within two days, I was having a
wonderful colonics experience. I then signed up for a 5-day parasite cleanse
with colonics, as I wondered if my problem was more sinister than just
menopause.
Again, I had a wonderful
experience, and I learnt so much more about the end part of the digestive
system, from the colon to the anus. While this may sound strange, the changes
in me were so profound, they can’t be ignored or called coincidental. Firstly, the
fluid that I was carrying disappeared. My head became much clearer, and I felt
so much lighter, and not like I was carrying the weight of the world on my
shoulders. I started singing and laughing, and that irritability I had was totally
gone.
Throughout the colonics process,
you can see what is leaving the body as it passes through the exit tube. Old
pieces of faeces were flushed away, as was a yeast infection called Candida,
that I did not know I had, but explained many of my symptoms including sugar
cravings, weight gain and low iron. I delved in deeper into researching
Candida, and realised that symptoms of this yeast overgrowth are very extensive, and not
just related to gut health symptoms such as bloating, cramping and poor bowel
motions. Often I find so many holes in my degree learnings, and realise just
how much additional research is often necessary for various health complaints.
We cannot know it all, nor can we be taught it all, and I am constantly
fascinated by what I tend learn and uncover at the times when I need to.
Intuitively, I know that as
energetic and emotional human beings, we carry a lot of our anger, trauma and worries
in our gut and liver. The term “shit on the liver”, often relates to someone
with detoxification pathway issues, when the liver is undernourished and
therefore unable to remove toxins effectively. This leaves the person feeling
irritable and short-tempered. Subconsciously, our body clenches and holds on to
past situations, and times when perhaps, we were not treated as we thought we
should have been. Our mind can even twist a normal situation into a negative and
traumatic one, and often, friends, family and even trained professionals cannot
understand what all the fuss was about.
This process of daily colonics
however, is so friendly and relaxing, that the healing water could flush all
the way to the liver, allowing bile and toxins to be released and flushed away.
This was a new experience for me, as this did not occur in Bali, despite the
treatment being exactly the same. Perhaps I wasn’t carrying the emotional
baggage back then as I was this time around, but I truly believe, this liver
release is what turned my mental health around. As well as the colonics, I used
my Nutritionist skills to derive a special detox diet, to allow the digestive
system to relax and heal, rather than spending so much time digesting. I also
chose some supplements to support this process even further. This meant the
whole process that I experimented and experienced on myself, could now be
written up, to form a detox program that I could use for my clients. I can’t
wait to be able to offer this as a proper and proven way to detox, rather than
fad diets and detox powders, that are sold commercially by big organisations,
that only care for making money from vulnerable people, and not actually
healing people.
You may be wondering why I believed Mark was behind all this. Well, I often feel he is behind everything I do, however, sometimes he makes his presence extremely clear. On one of my lowest days, I was driving to work after doing the school drop off run. I had my usual Spotify playlist playing, and I was thinking about how I had a client that morning, and I needed to get myself together to be able to successfully deliver that consultation, as I wasn’t feeling particularly strong and confident. Next thing, a song played over the car stereo, the song I played at Mark’s funeral. I hadn’t heard this song in years, and I was instantly a flood of tears. “This is not helping”, I said in my head, directed at Mark. “Not the time to make me emotional, I need to find my inner strength, not be a puddle of tears.” Next thing, a car changed lanes in front of me, a red car, with personalised number plates of “Grim”, which was Mark’s nickname. Not that I ever called him that, but all his friends did. I took a photo of the car, as I wanted to tell Sebastian about the experience that evening. It wasn’t until I looked at the photo later, that I realised that the car was actually a Nissan. A Red Nissan with Grimm number plates, driving directly in front of me, while the song from his funeral is playing. Way too many coincidences for it to not be him. The thoughts in my head changed and went something like… “I’ve got you, trust me, I’ve got you, you’re not alone, I’ll help you”. More tears, but now some deep breaths and by the time I arrived at my workplace, I was ready to start my work-day with a lot more confidence, as I no longer felt like I was doing this life alone. It was after this incident, that I was led to the supplement in the fridge, and the colonics practice, which was conveniently located, not too far away.
With the detox program now fully
written, costed and ready for delivery, the next moment in my crazy life, was
Sebastian finishing Primary School. He had his transition day at his new High
School, and while he had a good day, he was unusually quiet and reserved. He
remained that way for the following week, prompting me to ask him if he was
okay on several occasions. He assured me he was fine, as he continued with his
work for school, jobs around the house, piano practice and animal husbandry. In
the blink of an eye, it was Graduation Day, when I realised the day before, that
he did not have any appropriate clothing to wear to such a formal event. Quickly,
we headed out to find some formal style clothes. Sebastian moaned and
complained, completely disinterested in any clothing presented to him, but we
managed to find something incredibly quickly in his size. In the change rooms,
he put on the blue-ish shirt, along with the black trousers and belt, and I was
suddenly overcome with emotion, as I realised he had just picked out clothing
that almost exactly replicated his fathers work attire. He stood there
completely unimpressed and I just stared and smiled, knowing he had done it
again! Good call Mark, good call. I threw other shirts and ideas at Sebastian,
but he was having nothing of it. “Can we
just go?”, he pleaded. And with that, we were home again in under an hour!
The following day, and my
anxieties kicked in, as I helped Sebastian dress in these unfamiliar clothes,
and styled his hair. I cooked him a breakfast fit for kings, and I stood back
and marvelled at the fine handsome young man he had become. As I dropped him
off at school and watched him walk across the school-yard, I wondered, “how did we even get to this day?”
Sebastian was only in Reception when his father died, and here he was, about to
graduate and start the next chapter in his life. Was he prepared for it? I felt
he was, very prepared, and yet, he
still felt a level of anxiousness and worry, that he would not find “his tribe”
at the new school.
That evening, the official Graduation Ceremony began and after watching videos created by all the students, complete with song and dance and morphing photographs, we were led outdoors to the seated area. Speeches made by the Principal and the students, full of heartfelt stories, antics and the bonding and support between students in the four senior classrooms. Then there were awards of excellence being announced. I was completely clueless about the entire procedure, awards and proceedings, but next thing I knew, Sebastian’s name was being called out for winning the Year 6 “Caring” award. The shock on his face equalling the shock on mine, as he approached the stage to receive his award. I knew he deserved this for sure, as he had demonstrated his caring nature many times over, but I always thought his efforts went un-noticed, or perhaps, were just expected, but here he was, accepting an award that acknowledged his efforts, and the beautiful nature that he has, despite all the hardships life had thrown at him.
One would think I would be
emotional, and yet, I wasn’t, as I guess I was still in shock. Many
congratulated him after the ceremony and yes, I was the proudest Mum there, as
I knew all the ups and downs he had faced over the past six years. The emotion
however, didn’t come until the next day. Today in fact, as I reflect on
everything he has accomplished at school and at Robotics. I have to keep
reminding myself, he is only 12 years old, has a job and mentors others, all
this, and he hasn’t even started high school yet!
I continue to seek hope for the
future. Hope that this craziness of COVID will end. Hope that we, as a human
race, can be free to make choices for our bodies, our health and our education.
Hope that common sense will prevail, that we can live in unity and not in
division. Hope that we can be respected for our beliefs, and honoured for our
commitments to bettering the lives of others. Hope that we can be reunited with
our loved ones overseas, and that we can end our lives with dignity. It’s
nearly Christmas and it’s difficult to think about buying material gifts. Not
because I don’t want to give a gift for those I care about, but more because I
would rather give a gift of love, good health and compassion, and that’s hard
to purchase from a shop.
Sebastian and his generation, give me hope. Their awareness of the world, their willingness to work together to find solutions to big problems. Their openness and acceptance of all races and beliefs. Yes, Sebastian gives me hope that life can get better, and I will continue to support his passions and his interests, so that he can part of creating a better future. After all, behind every great man, is a strong, smart and powerful woman. Isn't that right Mark?
