Post Number 79 – 2022 - A New Hope

Christmas came and went without any fan-fare. Decorations were put up merely as a procedure, and to try to invoke some happy seasonal vibes. But for me, it was difficult to find the festive spirit, as it has never come natural to me. With Sebastian older and wiser, and my own sadness around this time of year, putting up decorations became just another thing on my massive “To-Do” list.

Another blow to the mood came when three of my closest friends advised me that they would not be able to spend any time with us over the Summer break, as we were labelled as high-risk due to our personal choices for our health. As this news sunk in, the hurt, the anger and frustration overwhelmed me. My anger at this pandemic and how it is being managed world-wide, the frustration that nothing seems to be improving, no matter how much the general public comply to the demands of the government, and the hurt that we were being treated as if we were the ones spreading the virus. It doesn’t seem to matter how much the statistics show that there are more hospitalisations of vaccinated people, than unvaccinated people, the strong message from the authorities remain, comply or be at “serious risk of harming others”.

This created yet another wave of depression for me, as the feelings of helplessness came back. Not even a colonic could help me with this situation. Life continued on as best it could, and as a small family unit of three, we enjoyed our usual festive meals, albeit without the annual trip to church on Christmas Eve. My time off from clinic work was also delayed, as I received a phone call from a new brain cancer patient who was seeking my services. As her diagnosis was stage 4, I knew I had to see her immediately, so that I could set her on the right path leading in to the festive weeks ahead. So I agreed to see her the day before Christmas Eve, and she was extremely grateful. I too was grateful, as again my hypothesis aligned with this patient, and my purpose in my work regained some much needed strength.

Through the holiday weeks ahead, Sebastian and I worked tirelessly in the garden on outstanding jobs. While I know Sebastian didn’t exactly enjoy these projects, they were necessary, and having his help made the unachievable, achievable. Improving garden irrigation systems, meant I would not need to spend hours watering by hand throughout the summer months, and old garden beds were given a fix-up and improvement, to allow them to retain water better, and allow more food to be grown. The garden had never looked better, greener and more inviting, and soon I found myself wanting to host BBQs again, something I had not done for several years, and we enjoyed the company of new friends and new experiences.

I also made a new male friend, and enjoyed long walks along beach esplanades, dinner and coffee catch ups. He is someone who I can be myself with, and I enjoy his conversation as we get to know each other better. It came at a time that I most needed adult connection, when I had been rejected by people who I thought would always be there for me. While the definition of this friendship is still unknown, I personally do not need to define it. Too often people come into my life, and then leave again, so I no longer have expectations. But I do enjoy opportunities to go out and laugh, and enjoy life again, in an attempt to find pleasure in my life, that is not focussed on being of service to others.

I also received a phone call from a Pharmacy, located in a prestige suburb, asking if I would be interested in a three-day promotion of nutraceutical sales. This was an opportunity to earn some much-needed money and I was keen for the experience. The possible opportunity for regular work was also floated as an idea, assuming the promotion days went well. This also excited me, as my business “profit & loss statement” certainly needed some propping up.

So 2022 is so far, shaping itself up for some potential successes. New income opportunities, new connections and new experiences for Sebastian as he starts his journey through High School. Robotics Club remains a permanent part of our lives, and also provides some grounding for life and our purposes. Sebastian continues to blow my mind with his abilities and the way his mind is wired. He sees things so differently than other kids or even adults. He finds value in broken appliances, and continues to enjoy pulling broken things (and sometimes not broken things) apart to see how they work and if they can be fixed. His main challenges remain in creating strong friendships with likeminded boys, but unfortunately, they are difficult to find, as most boys his age like to play sport or do things outdoors. At times, I know this troubles him, as he too, wants to find connections with people, on a level that he can be himself, be heard, be understood, and be valued for who he is. Whether he finds this at high school is hard to say, but either way, I am confident he will excel at his studies, especially in a school that values individuality and special talents.

For me, I continue to be grateful for the opportunities that come my way, and always work towards being open to receive and not over-think things too much. I’m often asked if I think I will find love again or what my future holds, or how I will feel about Seb growing up and having a life of his own. I find these questions absurd, and it seems I too, see the world differently and live within it with a different mind-set. As my health steadily improves, my head becomes clearer, and I fully commit myself to living in the present as much as possible. This doesn’t mean I don’t have dreams, of course I do. But since Mark’s passing, I feel like I am just a puppet on a string, living a life that has been laid down for me already. Mark continues to make his presence felt, and all I need to do is ask him for help or guidance, and it is provided. I believe that everything I need will come at the time that it is meant to, and that every health challenge I have is a gift. This gift provides me with insight and deeper understanding, so that I may use this to support others. It’s the “Fit your own mask first, before helping others” scenario. I know that even my way of thinking about supporting health problems is different to my peers, as I am now part of a small circle of female natural health practitioners, that meet up every six weeks. I listen to their stories and their treatment methods, and I know my approaches are quite different. I am not saying that their methods are wrong and mine are right, but simply, that they are different, when we all had the same University training. But their experiences have shaped their practices, as mine have shaped my views on toxicity, the way our food is produced, and how this impacts our health.

As for the future, well that remains a secret to me. I am not about to run to a clairvoyant to ask my fate. Maybe it has been already created for me, or maybe “there is no fate, but the one we make”, if I quote a well-known movie series from the 80s. I have no interest in worrying about what Sebastian will do in five or ten years time, but will continue to support and guide him in the present moment, knowing too, that he will ask his father for help when he needs it. We sometimes talk about future girlfriends, and how he will make such a perfect husband with all his skills and his caring nature. He washes dishes without being asked, empties the dishwasher and puts out the bins. The animals are his responsibility, and he takes a weight off my shoulders with keeping the house running. Of course, he is not perfect. He is a teenager, and we are not short of our disagreements. But always, there are hugs, endless love, apologies and forgiveness where needed, as well as the occasional “Mummy knows best” lines, that I light-heartedly throw in when I can. J