I studied hard and completed my final exam for the year and can now breathe a sigh of relief, relax and enjoy myself until classes start again next March. As it turned out, many people in Mark's home town of Mt Gambier had not heard of his passing or where not able to attend the funeral and this pained the family who had to continually explain that Mark had left us.
Although we had never discussed it, I always knew that Mark would want to be buried in Mt Gambier near his beloved Mum, so arrangements were made to make this happen, along with a "wake" for the family and friends in Mt Gambier to allow them to rally around and share their grief and their support for the Thompson family. With my exams over, my first port of call was to register the "old girl" and get her ready for a road-trip. I drove her around town for a few days to get the feel of her and make sure she was ready for the drive to the South East. From the minute I started driving her around, I started to feel Mark's presence again. I felt oddly calm when driving her, something I never usually felt as she can be quite awkward to handle and get in and out of.
Wednesday morning Sebastian and I loaded up the car, finished watering the garden and headed south. Poor Sebastian, squashed into the back, the new racing seats looking smart, but totally impractical for anyone in the backseat. But he assured me that he would be fine and off we went.
We stopped several times to allow our legs to unfold and uncramp, with our final destination being Naracoorte. I wanted this experience to be a little mini holiday, a chance for us to have a bit of fun together and not have it just about burying his father's ashes. Mark and I had talked about showing Sebastian the caves many times, but never actually got around to it, so now seemed the perfect time. I felt Mark's presence the entire time, especially when driving his car. The feeling was so strong, that at times my emotion became uncontrollable. I was neither sad nor happy, but feeling his warmth was just a strong reminder of what I was missing.
We checked in to the caravan park and explored all there was to see and do including the large swimming lake, bouncing pillow, table tennis and video games. The following day we explored caves, including those inhabited by an endangered species of bats. Our day full of fun and adventure, our evening full of hugs and a restful sleep.
On Friday we drove on to Mt Gambier and after a much needed coffee, we met the family to bury Mark's ashes, right next to his Mum. Nothing much was said and we all placed a spadeful of dirt into the hole and paid our last respects. Hours later we all met again at the wake, where people poured in to show their support and love for the Thompson family and also for me. I found this experience most unexpected and I spoke with many aunties, uncles and cousins. Some shared their own stories of grief and current difficult times and my heart went out to those doing it tough and in carer roles. I wanted to stay and chat to everyone in the room, but there were just too many people to cover in three hours. Sebastian also seemed to have a good time, checking in with me every now and again, but most of his time was spent meeting relatives and playing with another same aged child who arrived after school.
Exhausted after a big three days, we headed back to the hotel for a swim in the "indoor heated pool" which turned out to be not-so-heated. But we made the most of it and enjoyed it just the same. Too tired to go out for dinner, we decided to eat any last bits of snack food we had brought along, as well as a few items from the mini-bar, while sitting in bed together watching a movie. Everything had gone so perfectly and I couldn't be more content at that moment. Sebastian and I just love each other's company so very much and we have a mutual respect for each other, similar to the respect Mark and I had for each other. He is my "Mini-Mark" and my whole world and I know Mark would be approving of everything I am doing. Sebastian often comes home from school telling me about all the gifts Daddy gave him that day. One day recently, Daddy gave him three butterflies, four feathers and two rainbow lorikeets! So convinced is he, that every butterfly has come from Dad, he has me believing it too!
Before we left to head to the South East, I was having problems with our aquaponics system. It's a simple filtration system of water from our fish pond pumping up into a tray full of plants which then returns the cleaned water back into the fishpond. I was having all manner of difficulties getting the water to drain back into the pond, nearly losing the fish several times through lack of water in the pond. During my process of trying to sort this problem out, a white butterfly continually fluttered around, almost watching what I was doing. I became so frustrated, I looked at this butterfly and said "well don't just flutter around, give me some idea what to do here". A moment later, I looked up and it was gone - "maybe my tone a little too harsh", I thought.
I don't think it matters what we believe, if it helps us get through the day and it's not hurting anyone, then why not. We continue to be grateful every day and in general, keep a happy and contented lifestyle, but Christmas is just around the corner, and this is not a time that I am looking forward to. It's a time of year I have always struggled with. The constant message of "family" pains me to the core. With my own family on the other side of the world, I have always felt emotional and alone. It's not a feeling I have ever been able to shake and this year is deemed to be harder than ever. But I plan to fill my house with as many friends, family and neighbours as I can possibly muster and hopefully this will get me through another difficult time.
