He makes friends easily and is a good student. He proudly shows his reading level to be at 5 and his school gives him all the support he needs to thrive. He has so much going on in a week with sport, Japanese, maths, computer room, singing, music,show & tell (with specific topics) and library, that his school life is never boring.
There has however, been moments of uncertainty which of course, he has felt. He never says much, but I feel him cling to me, not in the physical sense, but always wanting to spend time with me. I managed this by doing special projects with him such as a huge mural painting where we both drew pictures and then painted. It took several weeks to complete and now hangs proudly in our kitchen. We also do daily gratitude at dinner time where we all express what we are grateful for each day before we tuck in to our paleo dinner.
I have watched Sebastian's relationship with his father deteriorate quite considerably, almost to a point where he almost ignores or seems to forget that Mark is in the room. This hurts me greatly as his bond with his father used to be very strong. I first noticed this when he told me that I was his favourite parent. This shocked me as I am usually the task master and Mark would always be the one who would do the fun stuff with him. I remember being jealous about this a while ago, but now I am the one having special moments with him and playing in the land of Skylanders.
A few weeks ago, a very strong migraine completely crippled me. I had to lay down and rest and while I tried to get someone to pick up Sebastian from school, it just didn't work out. Feeling a little better after the rest, I went to school. As Sebastian came running out of his classroom, I felt the colour leave from my face and my body grow weak. I grabbed him quickly by the hand and pushed my way through the crowds of doting parents and headed for a bench next to a garden area where I threw up. Sebastian was horrified that his rock-solid mother had fallen ill. I sent him to fetch a glass of water and some tissues and he ran to get help. Later that evening, we had a big talk about being sick and how even Mummies fall ill too sometimes.
Another way Sebastian copes with everything, is by feeling like he also is a contributor in the household. He has daily jobs to complete and he helps out with other things as they arise. Each morning he makes his bed, turns off his heater and opens his curtains. Recently, he has started making our bed as well, unassisted and without being asked. He is so proud of himself and we always tell him how grateful we are of the extra effort he puts in. He also helps me with the dishwasher and clearing the table after meals. He dresses himself and packs his own schoolbag.
He has grown up so much over the past six months and we couldn't be prouder of the boy he has become. There is still much re-bonding that needs to occur between him and his father, but that will come in time.
As for me, some days are still a struggle. While Mark has made some huge leaps and bounds in his condition, this week has been particularly tough. Mark has been feeling quite tired for the last four days and tends to withdraw. When he is feeling down, I also go down with him and some days I have just wanted to walk away. I get short, snappy and grumpy and just down on the whole world. Just yesterday I scratched and dented my car in a significant way. I felt so angry about everything.
Waiting to be served at the supermarket, I looked into the trolley of a lovely middle class looking women with a lovely dressed kindy aged child. The child was crawling dangerously on the seat of the trolley, the trolley overflowing with groceries. I couldn't help but notice the massive box of Corn Flakes, the large box of ice-cream cones and the equally massive box of small packets of chips that was teetering on the top of the trolley. I looked down at my trolley full of vegetables and other organic specialty products and just wanted to scream. Why? Why is it when we have been eating healthy and nutritious food for the past three years, are we having to deal with this? WHY!!!! I wanted to scream at the lovely lady and to everyone in the entire supermarket...DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE FEEDING YOUR FAMILIES??? Throwing my bags into the car, I backed the car out, only stopping at the sound of the thud of hitting the car park pillar. Furious at myself, I burst in to tears. It's just not fair, we are doing all the right things, why is he sick, why is he so tired, why why why?
So yesterday I had a little "self-pitty" party and today is a new day. After crying away all the anger, I feel somewhat better. Certainly the paleo lifestyle is agreeing with me and I feel lighter on my feet and just an overall feeling of wellbeing. But everyday is still hard work and last week I committed to two subjects at college which are due to start very soon. At the time, Mark was feeling well, happy and relatively mobile and even quite self-sufficient, so it seemed safe to make this commitment. But now I wonder if I have made the right decision, but if I don't study, I feel I WILL go completely mad. I need to get out and socialise with people. Everyone I know seems to have their own problems, issues or busyness. People often say, "What can I do?" or "Yes, lets catch up" and then I never hear from them again. I don't blame them or get angry as I do understand, but I have to do what is right for me and what makes me happy. Going to college makes me happy. Meeting likeminded people, makes me happy. Forgetting about my difficult life for a few hours, makes me happy. So I guess my decision stays and we see what happens over the coming weeks.
Maybe all we need is a carbohydrate rich lunch! Some chips, bread, rice and pasta and all will be well again! ;-)
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