Months on, and I became much more settled in my new clinic room and surroundings, as I found a much better balance between working at home and working in the clinic. At times, the clinic would become very busy and quite loud, making it difficult to focus on complex cases. I relished the opportunities to work from my warm lounge room, the gas fire burning, while the rain fell outside. I could work in my comfy clothes and slippers, and create the reports for my most multifaceted cases. My happiness continued, as the business started to turn a profit for the first time since beginning this crazy journey, and finally I felt things were falling in to place.
So too was my personal life, as an evening around the
fire-pit with a friend, took a new conversational direction. We had been seeing
each other for the past six months, and had formed a great friendship. He too
was widowed many years ago, and lived alone with his dog. We had been on walks
together many times, dinner, coffee and the movies, and it always felt nice to
have some great conversation and companionship, and sometimes I wondered, would there be room for more? I often
dismissed thoughts of more, as my life was just so busy, my work so intense,
and my mood swings hard to manage at times.
My work took me to having discussions with a client, who was
feeling very conflicted and at a cross roads with life. I offered her a session
of my energetic transfer treatment, that I had learnt many months ago. I hadn’t
practiced this service for at least six months, and I wondered if I could even
remember how to do it. But the client insisted, as she was familiar with the
practice, and knew how beneficial and life changing it could be.
I completed the relaxing service in her home, and I left her
an hour later, in a calm and happy state. I followed up with her the next week
to see how she was, and she told me just how many decisions she had made and
was still working on since receiving the treatment, and how much calmer and in
control she felt. I too had a shift and clearing in my mind, and this led to
the night around the fire-pit. It hadn’t occurred to me, that the energy
treatment had actually had an effect on me also. It cleared all my limiting
beliefs, my fears and worries, just as it had for the client, and it gave me
the courage to ask my friend if he thought there could be more to our
relationship than just a friendship.
We talked it through and agreed that there was indeed room
for more, but at the same time, neither of us wanted to disrupt the life or
plans of the other. He understood the importance of my work, and I understood
and valued his interests, goals and aspirations. The night ended with the
warmest of embraces, that simply melted the icy wall that had been around my
heart for seven long years. I felt lightheaded and after that night, I started
feeling things that I had not felt for an extremely long time. I continued to
talk to Mark, asking if this was right. The feelings overwhelming me and
clouding my mind constantly. All I could think about was when I would next see
him again, what he really thought about me, and what would happen next. My head
was giddy all the time, and I found it hard to concentrate or focus on my work.
The feelings were wonderful, yet overwhelming and
distracting at the same time. I loved the feeling of losing control and letting
go, yet I hated it at the same time. I had seriously sick patients and
responsibilities, and I needed to focus. As the weeks flew by, we took every
opportunity to meet and spend time together, and it was truly blissful. I
wanted to give up on everything and just remain in this state of total bliss,
but my work and the realities of life, kept calling me back.
A few weeks later, I booked my favourite Bed and Breakfast
near the beach for two nights. I had been asked by the College that trained me,
if I would attend the next student Graduation, as an inspirational guest
speaker for the new graduates. I felt honoured to be asked, but also extremely
nervous to have such a significant responsibility. With my head constantly in
the clouds, I felt a few nights away near the beach would give me the
opportunity to breathe some fresh sea air, and write the speech that I was
expected to write. Of course the temptation to spend more time with this man,
who had turned me into a school girl crush teenager, was just too great, and he
joined me for duration of my little getaway.
Our time together was yet another opportunity to get to know
each other better, laugh, drink lovely wine and eat my delicious and healthful
food. Despite all the wonderful distractions, the speech was written, and I
practiced reading it out aloud, the requirement being15 minutes, that incorporated
certain aspects of the crowd in attendance, and the college that had taught me
all I knew about nutrition. I’d written three typed pages, and as usual, I
thought it to be too long. To my surprise however, it was way too short!
Imagine me, not having enough words to say…. highly unlikely, and yet, it was
so!
The time away ended all too soon, so did the firewood that
warmed our humble little abode, so we packed up and headed off in our own
directions. For me, it was straight to work, to see a new client, not even
having time to go home and unpack. Thankfully, Sebastian was becoming more and
more grown up and independent, and I knew I could leave him to look after
himself and the animals, as well as get himself off to Robotics Club. Not that
he was completely home alone of course, and I had left him plenty of food and
resources.
A week on, and I found myself feeling a little lost. My
birthday presented itself again, as it seems to do every twelve months, and I
was left trying to organise dinners and catch ups, when all I wanted to do, was
retreat back to my little shack by the sea. At work, I received a phone call
that knocked me off my chair. A friend / neighbour / client, rung me and
started yelling at me, accusing me of doing things I had not done. My energy
turned angry as I strongly denied what I was being accused of. I was told I was
bossy and controlling, and that I had organised things without her consent or
knowledge, all of which was absolutely not true. One of girls from the clinic,
quickly closed my door, as I tried to defend myself from what was coming down
the line. I was deeply hurt by this conversation, as all I had ever done for
this lady, was try to help her and sort out things that had been troubling her
for many months.
Days later, I was spoken to by the clinic owner, about
keeping my voice down, and about complaints from clients, about the tone and
volume of my voice, during their time at the clinic. I was horrified yet
understood what was being said. Despite the content of the conversation, it was
discussed with love and respect, and I appreciated this very much, as the
discussion ended with a hug. Once again, my initial reaction was to doubt
myself, hate myself, and want to give it all up. Of course, I ran straight towards
the warm arms that had been comforting me of late, and while the embrace was
warm, there was a slight chill surrounding it. Had I worn out this relationship
as well?
I headed home, feeling all kinds of things. Was this the
reason I had been sent packing from my first clinic location? Was I potentially
ruining the chance of finding love once more? Most likely, yes to both. I was
lucky enough to be able to complete another energy exchange session for another
troubled client, and I also took the opportunity to work on myself as well.
Through the energetic process, I let go of limiting beliefs, and became
grateful that I had been given this honesty and opportunity to do better. I
woke the next day, feeling much clearer in the mind, and while I walked the dog
in the cold chill of the morning, I told myself that I need not feel all the
fear and insecurity I was feeling. It was safe for me to let go, be me, and yet
still respect those around me. I approached my work with focus and clarity, and
headed up to the clinic, softer, gentler and with purpose.
Everyday is an opportunity to learn. We can chose to hate
ourselves and give up, or be grateful for constructive feedback, that helps us
to do better and be better. Today, I choose to be better. Today, I choose to be
calmer. Today, I choose to trust in the forces that are greater than I. Today,
I let go of fear and judgement, and let the energy force of life flow through
me. I know when I do this, life becomes effortless. Life becomes freeing and
with that, the stress response turns off, and I can just enjoy the moment as it
is. It’s truly the most wonderful way to be, but one that I often find hard to
achieve, but when I do, the joys of life simply unfolds in front of me, and I
can walk forward in a state of bliss.
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