In October we celebrated the last two happy years of life post-op. We celebrated the good times, the miracles and the love that we share for each other.
Christmas was also special and wonderful for so many reasons. Mark's family came up from Mt Gambier and stayed with us. The house was full of people, busy and happy, just as I wanted it to be. I couldn't have improved it if I tried.
The summer school holidays brought us more happy times for the memory bank as we all had our special times together as a family, alone doing things we enjoy and one on one experiences with Sebastian. I took Sebastian to the movies and taught him to roller skate and Mark took him to the Planetarium and the Birdwood Car Museum. As a family we spent a week at the West Beach caravan park where we all enjoyed countless special moments.
Sebastian started school which such grace and maturity, he astounded even me. After two very tiring days, he got into the swing of things and now comes bounding out of class at the end of the day, all smiles, arms outstretched ready for the biggest hug a Mum can give.
Mark enjoyed a good two weeks off work and felt happy and ready to return. With Sebastian at school and me starting at a new College in the CBD, he was planning an additional day of work (from 3 days to 4). He had spent the last year working only 3 days a week so that he would have time to spend with me and Sebastian before he started school. So with the new year, it made sense to add an additional day and still enjoy a 3-day weekend.
Yes... life has been so perfect, it was bound to come crashing down.
One Saturday morning, Mark returned from walking the dog and upon his return, I went on my run. When I got home 20 minutes later, Sebastian informed me that Dad was not feeling well and was laying down. Before I could get to him, he emerged from the bedroom looking concerned.
He had experienced a weakness on the left hand side of his body, a tingling and twitching of his arm and leg. This is classed as seizure. It passed in 5 minutes and he felt fine again. We progressed with our usual special poached egg Saturday breakfast and Mark decided he would go to his weekly Yoga class. I warned him to be careful and not to push himself. He smiled and left.
Later the following week (Thursday), Mark was spending the evening in his "Man-Cave" playing video games on his new X-Box. When he came inside, he found me and said "Can I talk to you?". I knew straight away, something was up. He had experienced another seizure while in his room.
Now I was really concerned as he had been seizure free for two years and now he had experienced two in one week. The next day I made phone calls to try to get him to a specialist who could order an MRI scan. His last scan had been in July and he was not due for another until July this year. I made all the necessary arrangements and in a whirlwind week, we revisited the wonderful Radio Oncologist doctor who ordered an urgent scan for two days time and another appointment for the results the next day.
So last night we received the news that the tumour is back and it is nasty. It's back in the same area as before but its tentacles have invaded a small area in the left side of his brain also. Brain tumours are so different from any other cancer that presents in the body. Usually a tumour is a mass of mutated cells that can often be removed. Brain tumours look more like a jelly fish with a small mass and long tentacles that weave through the brain. This is why, with a brain tumour, there is no such thing as remission-it almost always comes back. When is anyone's guess, but more often than not it is between two and five years. We always knew this, but held off on telling anyone as we did not want people to feel awkward or sad, but to celebrate and be happy that he made such a marvellous recovery. I always hoped I would be writing this after five years of happy times. At a time that I had completed my studies and we had experienced more family holidays and that Sebastian would be older. I felt that with the correct lifestyle balance, we could defeat even a brain tumour. But I guess we are not invincible after all.
So I write this to you now, to inform you of our situation and will indeed, just as before, keep you up to date this way again. I can not express just how distraught I am. I have moments of strength, but I have sobbed harder and louder than I ever have in my life. You know when you laugh from the bottom of your belly? Well did you know you can actually sob from the bottom of your belly also!
As I write this, Mark is finishing up and handing over his workload and saying his goodbyes to his work colleagues. We have this weekend to spend our last family time together. Next Tuesday the surgeons will review Mark's scans and make a decision from there, so at this stage, we know nothing more, but we are assuming they will do surgery, most likely, the end of next week if possible.
Once again I ask for you to hold back on writing me emails or sending me text messages. I know by now you are probably shedding a tear, as am I and believe me, I will feel your strength and your love. Perhaps if you are reading this from a link on Facebook, you could give me a "like", so I know you have read it and I will feel your love. I promise you, I will keep you up to date, but I know this is going to be more difficult than ever. Believe me, I WILL ask for your help if I need it and I WILL accept your hugs, when I am ready, but just not at the moment.
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