It was the Easter weekend and Sebastian and I had decided to stay home so that I could study and do things around the home. I was finishing off my Chicken Run fencing and countless other jobs around the house and garden. Sebastian had a runny nose and was a little "off colour", but I felt the sunshine would be good for him and I needed his help. But he was very sluggish and dragged his feet everywhere he went. In my keenness to finish all the work, I raised my voice at him several times, asking him to "hurry up" and "keep moving". Little did I know he was carrying a virus that would strike me down the very next day.
Easter Monday I dragged myself out of bed and made breakfast. A simple porridge with yoghurt, fresh fruit and chopped nuts took every last piece of energy my body could conjure. I spent the day on the couch, my head feeling like it was in a pressure cooker, every joint aching and every muscle completely spent, shivering one minute, sweating the next. By lunchtime I couldn't eat or drink anything. Sebastian stayed with me the whole day and took the opportunity to stay in his PJ's and watch movies with me. Lunch for him was an apple but he did not complain. . In tears I apologised over and over for giving him such a hard time the day before. “It’s okay Mummy”, “I wasn’t that sick”, he said. Unfortunately, my Mum offered no assistance, only judgements and disapproval for the darkness of the room and that Sebastian was not dressed appropriately.
Desperate to get better and knowing that I was dehydrating, I had to do something. I gathered my strength and started to make a soup. I chopped onions, garlic and pumpkin and added ginger, chilli and turmeric. I put the pot on the stove and turned on the gas. That process took everything I had and I went to the bedroom to lie down, instructing Sebastian to watch the pot until it boiled, and then to turn down the gas to allow the vegetables to simmer and cook. Little did I know, my Mum then came into the kitchen, saw the pot on the stove and decided to turn down the gas, even though everything in the pot was still cold. Eventually I dragged myself out of bed again, expecting to have the soup ready to go, only to find everything still uncooked. It was an exhausting day to say the least and it challenged me on so many levels. While I'm not alone, I never felt more helpless and alone. Sebastian was amazing, but at only seven years of age, his abilities are limited. It brought home the importance of staying on top of my health as there is no one else who can "share the load".
It's been several months now since that awful day and my body, although functioning, has never been the same again. All muscles, so weak and fatigued, I can only do basic tasks. I took on coaching Sebastian's basketball team, enjoying working with the children, but soon realising that just a little running around the court would leave my body physically spent. Bike rides no longer an option, even walking the dog means a 20 minute lie down to recuperate.
As end of semester exams came up, I began to panic as again, my brain fogged over and nothing made sense and I struggled with assignments. At Uni I met a fellow student who practises TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine), in particular acupressure. I was very keen to give this a try as I had experienced some wonderful sessions last year at the College with this modality. She assured me she could help clear my brain and get me through the exams. And she did just that. I asked lecturers and fellow students for help and managed amazing results with my assignments and felt I completed my exams equally well. It was a huge relief indeed, but the muscle weakness continued and played on my mind continuously.
Studying Pathology and Clinical Diagnostic Testing, any disease state with symptoms of "muscle weakness" caught my attention and warranted further investigation. In desperation, I began doubling my supplementation and adding yet more to my ever growing bottles of pills. But nothing worked, the weakness remained. I continued researching and investigating and began to put the pieces of the puzzle together. Another session with the TCM practitioner and things started to change. She worked on my lower back, indicating there were some blockages in the flow of my energy. By the time she was finished, a lot of joint pain that I had also been experiencing was disappearing. By the next day I was starting to feel great again. I was so overjoyed and began booking time away with my amazing son, including a special feature of a horse riding adventure. I was so excited to finally have a chance to share the wonderful world of horses with him. A chance to teach him to ride and go on a trial ride together, one of my ultimate dreams. But as the days grow closer, the weakness is returning, the pain in my knees stronger than ever and the worry returns.
My TCM practitioner is otherwise engaged, and I have no option now but to push on in my current state. Sebastian and I need this time away more than ever and time spent in the "old girl" is always a pleasure. I pray that my body will allow me to ride and that Sebastian enjoys his first experience with horses. I pray for good weather, an easy drive, a warm and comfy bed and a heartfelt welcoming by family. I have to believe that everything will be okay...it just has to be.
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