I'm starting a new blog.
Will I keep writing regularly? I don't know!
Why am I writing it? Because I have an overwhelming amount of people who love not only me, but my amazing husband. I have so many people asking me "how is he?", "How are you?" "What are the doctors saying?" "Have you had a second opinion?" "How did this happen?" and it goes on an on.
Yes, there are so many people who love my husband, and what's not to love? He is my best friend and has been for many many years. We worked together, fixed server crashes together, bitched about "stupid users" when we worked on helpdesk together, we laughed together, cried together, supported each other through our personal lives, why wouldn't we finally admit to each other (and the world) that we HAD to share our lives together as husband and wife, to hell with the age difference.
Our love then produced the most amazing son who is a carbon copy of both of us. His manorisims, his love for cars, his particularly sensitive nature and the care he takes in all his possessions, yes, he is definitely our son, through and through.
So....what happened I hear you ask. Well, two weekends ago, we were going about our business as normal. Checking out the garden, netting the apricot tree as we excitedly inspected the abundance of fruit that we shall receive this season. Next job was to dig some small holes to cement in Sebastian's Swing set. With the holes dug, Mark gathered the "ingredients" for our cement mix. He was feeling quite thirsty so I told him I would grab a bottle of water for him and wake Sebastian from his afternoon sleep. With Seb awake and another load of washing to hang out, I asked Seb to take the water to his Dad, which he gladly did. Ten minutes later I noticed the empty bottle and when I went to check on Mark he told me he was feeling a little dizzy and a little sick and he was sitting on the garden edging with Seb perched on his lap.
I thought nothing of it and was happily talking away when I looked over and saw him shaking. Quickly I pulled Seb off his lap and Mark moved to the lawn. Within seconds he was having a seizure. I had never seen anything like it and it was horrifying to watch. Luckily, my mobile phone was on the outside bench (which it NEVER IS) and I rang 000 for the first time in my life.
Sebastian looked on in horror and Else occasionally tried to lick him to bring him back, but after a few minutes it stopped and with the assistance of the emergency staff, I was able to keep it together and keep Mark from going into a coma. I rolled him on his side and kept talking to him. He was confused and didn't seem to know who I was. He tried to talk but no words came. I could feel the panic rising inside, but I kept on talking to him and reassuring him and then a word came out that I could understand and I felt a sigh of relieve.
The Ambulance came and they took him away Flinders Hospital. Still in shock I went to a neighbour and had a cup of tea while Sebastian happily played with their three children. A few hours later and I was told that I could come and pick Mark up from the hospital as all tests showed "normal". Still shocked and confused, I gladly brought him home and he tucked Sebastian up in bed. We then spent the evening talking and researching "how on earth did this happen?". No family history or any history of ever having such a thing occur, there had to be a valid reason. Mark being Mark, searched for answers and came to the conclusion that the super fast downing of the bottle of water caused the seizure and we thought, "lesson learned, that was a close call".
The next day Mark was a little tired but in general, he was ok. We went on our business and Mark and Sebastian accompanied me in the afternoon to Else's Dog Trial where he could sit and get fresh air and get some much needed sunshine. The days that followed also seemed pretty normal, with Mark going to work and talk of a management position was considered. Yes, it was life as normal again. Sure, an MRI had been scheduled for 4 weeks time, but we considered this to be just a routine process.
The working week came to an end and it was the weekend again. Nothing too strenuous planned and Mark decided he didn't want to do anything too physical, but a trip to the Hardware shop would be in order. Only 3 minutes up the road from home and he felt the same feelings as the week before. As he was driving, and was in the middle of the road, there was no chance of pulling over. I saw a turning lane in to the Panorama Tafe. I instructed him to pull into this and take the car out of gear which he did and I quickly pulled up the handbrake and put on the hazard lights. I watched him and talked to him, keeping him calm and keeping his breathing as normal as possible. I saw a large break in traffic and knew that I could not get him out of the car safely in the middle of the road. I asked him to put the car in gear and drive straight across the road into the Tafe driveway, which he did. I got him out of the car, sat him on the bark, pulled Sebastian out of the car and rang 000.
This time he did not go into a seizure, but he still felt unwell. This time the ambulance took for ever and I decided to call Emergency back when I saw what I thought was our "help" and I flagged it down, only later finding out that they were just heading back to base, but saw that we needed help and decided to turn around and help us out.
They took him away and this time the emergency department did more tests including a CT Scan. That was when they found something that had the doctors talking. What was this strange little spot on the scan? We were told it looked like a worm or parasite of some sort. Something was causing swelling and excess fluid in the brain. But the doctors were sure it didn't look like a tumor.
That night he was admitted into hospital, with an MRI to be done the next day. But we both felt ok as we had no real diagnosis and if it was a parasite, it would be easily treated and certainly no surgery would be required. I brought Mark many electronic gadgets and car magazines while he put his feet up and enjoyed the quiet time to catchup on reading and podcasts. The only thing missing was a banana lounge and a pina colada!
He had the MRI in the afternoon the next day. But no doctors came to give him a diagnosis. Then they moved him from a normal ward to the Neurosurgery ward, but still no doctors came. I went back to see him that night and he was worried and now I was too. Why had we not received any news? This can't be good.
I decided to go back early next morning as this had been the trend so far that doctors would see their patients first thing in the morning. I was there at 8.30am while Sebastian stayed home to give Oma and Herbert driving lessons with his remote control cars. I stayed til nearly 10am but still no doctors came.
I raced home and took Sebastian to Kindermusik, in order to keep his routine in tact as much as possible, but on the way I received a phone call asking when I could get back to the hospital. I knew this was bad news. We continued on to our music class and after I took him to his "mates" place, where he spent the rest of the day, while I went back to the hospital.
We received confirmation that there was indeed a tumor, but something quite unusual. A team of neurologists had had a meeting that morning, reviewing all the scans and tests over and over and they all agreed that an operation was the only option. What we are dealing with we still do not know, but unfortunately, although the spot is quite small, the grey shadow around the spot is significant. It sits deep in the right frontal lobe of the brain and the only way to remove it, is to remove that part of the brain with the suspect thing in it!
The right frontal lobe controls things such as decision making, personality and moods, some would say a less significant part of the brain, all things considered. But it will make a difference, it has too. Not saying that he cannot make a full recovery, but that may take a very long time. There are many unanswered questions. I bet you are coming up with a dozen questions now, just as we have done while trying to comprehend how we got here. But there are no answers to the questions. Not until it is out and the lab results come back. Only then will we know what the next stage will be.
Am I ok, I hear you ask. Of course not. But I am doing what I need to do to keep going...for we have a son, who needs me to keep it together, and I have a husband, who needs me to be strong and keep things going and I'm not about to let either of them down.
I know you are out there. I feel your love, your support and I hear your tears and I know you hear mine. I don't need you to send me a text or an email, I can feel you. I know that I can ask for your help with anything, and believe me, I will ask you for help. But know that I need to do this my way. I know you want to hug me and tell me you are sorry, but I cannot do this right now. I know you want to ring me or keep me company, but I cannot do this right now.
I am not frightened to ask for help. I have already enlisted help from several people already and you will get your turn. I am keeping food on the table, but my precooked leftovers are running low. I remember when I first came home from hospital after having Sebastian. My amazing neighbours brought casseroles and warm dinners, so I would not have to cook. I will always remember how loved I felt during that time, that people would go out of their way to bring us food so we wouldn't need to eat takeaway meals or worry about cooking.
I know this post is long and I know some of you already know the story. But this helps me to talk to you and tell you everything I know and it means I don't have to repeat myself over and over which I am finding very tiring. Everyday that Mark is not home Sebastian grows a little sadder. He has been so very good but I know he is hurting. He plays and laughs with his friends, but once everyone goes home, I can see the pain in his eyes and this is the hardest part for me and Mark to deal with.
Tonight I told him that we will go and see Daddy tomorrow after swimming. I told him that sometimes we cry when we are sad, but sometimes when we are so very happy, we also cry and that Daddy might cry tomorrow, not because he is sad, but because he will be so happy to see him.
I love you all and thank you for reading my story. I promise you I will keep you up to date, I promise I will ask you for help when I need it and I promise to look after myself and keep the wheels turning.
Til next blog......Goodnight all
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