Post Number 2 - Processing the Information

It's Wednesday and Mark has now been in hospital 5 days.  Not much sleep last night.  Stomach tied up in knots.  You know that nervous energy you feel just before an important interview or big exam?  It usually only lasts a short time, but I have felt this since last night.  That feel of panic, utter terrifying panic, but suppressing it due to necessity. 

It's funny, you hear of other people going through these types of things and you think to yourself, "I would never be able to cope with that situation" and yet, here I am, doing just that.  Taking it one day at a time, organising help, wills, power of eternity etc etc.  This is craziness.  Utter utter madness.  This must be a hideous dream.

Mark and I have always tried to live life with integrity and honesty.  Do unto others and you would have them do to you, or however it goes.  There have been times when we have done good things for people and they have gone seemingly unnoticed, but then we think, it doesn't matter, because Karma (or God or the Universe) will be sure to look after us.  So, Greater Power...it's your turn. Judgement day so to speak.  Do we pass?  We sure hope so.

Detailed discussions with surgeons today, drove home even harder the seriousness of what we are dealing with here.  The words "aggressive",  "may never be the same", "high dependency" and "we just don't know" are the kind of words you don't want to hear from the people who are about to open up your husband's great brain.  It felt like we were hearing the news all over again for the first time.

But we are helpless.  There is nothing more we can do. We have asked all the questions, signed all the consent forms and at this stage, we are looking at surgery tomorrow afternoon.  There was talk of waiting a while, letting him come home to have "family time" but just this morning, a simple walk downstairs to get coffee, resulted in him feeling like he was going to have another seizure and him wanting desperately to get back to the safety of his room with medical staff close by.  We can't wait any longer.....it's time.